Am I a caregiver?
by Vicki Rackner MD
When the person sitting next to me on the plane found out I help family caregivers, she said, “My mom and her favorite aide Lila and I were taking a walk around the grounds of her assisted living facility. We passed the wellness director who said, ‘Mrs. Singer, it looks like you’re with two of your favorite caregivers.’ I always thought that Lila, who earns her living taking care of Mom, is a caregiver and I’m just doing what good daughters do. Am I a caregiver, too?”
While the word caregiver means different things to different people, I think of a caregiver as a person who acts out of service to another. I would call Lila, the assisted living employee, a professional caregiver and the daughter a family caregiver.
In many ways it’s easier for professional caregivers to do their jobs well. They have their specialized training, job experience, and some healthy emotional distance. Here are some ways family caregivers can reproduce professional caregivers’ success.
Did you know
If family caregivers were paid market wages for the services they offer free of charge, their compensation would approximate the entire Medicare budget.
Professional caregivers are employed by organizations that have a mission statement. The Emeritus promise is this: “Our family is committed to yours.” You can create a mission statement, too. Here’s The Caregiver Club mission statement, “I’m here to help my loved ones live and die on their own terms.”
Professional caregivers have a job description. Here’s a Caregiver Club job description. “The caregiver is the family leader who maintains hopes and dreams and inspires others to be their best.”
Professional caregivers have work hours and time off. Rest is part of the living cycle. The body rests at night. Plants rest in the winter. Family caregivers give their best if they, too, get time off.
Professional caregivers get job training. Family caregivers can improve their performance with an ongoing investment in new skills, like learning how to speak up at the doctor’s office, conduct difficult conversations with family members, and stay calm in the midst of turmoil.
Professional caregivers have bosses who offer feedback about what’s working and how to make things work even better. Family caregivers can ask for feedback from the people around them, including their loved ones. Just ask, “How am I doing as your caregiver? What can I do better?”
If you’re one of those people who grades themselves before they go to sleep, remember that perfection is not the caregiver’s goal. Your goal is to be a part of the 51% club. If your actions are consistent with your mission statement 51% of the time, you’ve had a successful day; love will take you to 100%.
Here’s something we know for certain. When family caregivers and professional caregivers all work on the same team. everything works better.
About Dr. Vicki
Vicki Rackner, MD is a board-certified surgeon and clinical faculty member at the University of Washington School of Medicine. She left the operating room to be on the cutting edge of healthcare consumerism. She is now a full-time patient advocate, helping people get the health care they want, need and deserve. Dr. Vicki is an author, speaker and consultant.
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